i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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