I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
