Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
