Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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