I wanna passion pit in your ass
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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