Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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