Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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