I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
