so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
