I just cut my nipple shaving
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
