Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
