sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
