Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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