Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
