1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
