The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
