I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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