Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
