Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
