so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You took a bar mat shot.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
