My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
