Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
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47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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