Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
