when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize
