My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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