she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
