i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
