Where is the hickey?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
