Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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