I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
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Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
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Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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