Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
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Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
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What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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