No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
