Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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