Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
