laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
