When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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