why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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