hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
