You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
