Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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