So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
