it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
