Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
