Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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