What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
