is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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