My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize