Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
