i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I didn't notice because vodka
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
