My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
