Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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