is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
