Swine flu. Run for my life!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
