just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
