Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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