i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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