How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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