Pappa wants mamma naked
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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