I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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