I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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