So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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