can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
