I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
