Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
