WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
