you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
