I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
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Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
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If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder