I just made out with a guy for $7.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
apparently the secret to your success is patron
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.