see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins