I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
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i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
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I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.