My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
