u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
