tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
