i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
