Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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