The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My dick has a subreddit
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
