You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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