Nicole vs. Life
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
