Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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